Nighttime Comics Take Aim At Trump's New 'Gold Card' Visa Plan

Television's top hosts devoted the broadcast criticizing President Donald Trump's just unveiled immigration program, called the "gold card," characterizing it as a clear pay-for-access scheme for the affluent.

Colbert's Sarcastic Analysis

Kicking off his show, Stephen Colbert presented a sardonic holiday jingle targeting the commander-in-chief. "He's making a list, checking it twice, then handing that list to the agents at ICE," he intoned. "Donald Trump ... spoils each thing he handles."

The subject was the new initiative that permits foreign citizens to acquire U.S. legal status for an investment of $1 million dollars, with a "platinum" tier for 5 million. A government page pledges processing "in record time."

"One message here to rich foreigners: before you pay, what about Canada?" Colbert remarked.

He noted that the card is also meant to "extract cash" from companies wanting to hire skilled workers, involving significant payments. "That is a lot of fees, however if you sign up, you additionally get free accommodation at a hotel of your selection – if it's the Tampa Marriott Bonvoy," he said.

"Unprecedented background check the government has ever done," said Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "a $15,000 vetting to verify these people completely meet the standard to be in America."

"That's important, you gotta prove you're fit to be an American," Colbert deadpanned. "First question: how many hamburgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Blistering Commentary

On his late-night program, Jimmy Kimmel referred to the initiative the "U.S. Access Express Card."

"Here's a card that will permit wealthy overseas citizens to live here," he said. "For a million bucks, you get official visitor status, you get a pathway to citizenship, and a presidential pardon for one serious crime of your selection."

"Maybe it's time to change that inscription on the Statue of Liberty – forget about your tired masses. Pay a million bucks, you're in!" he added.

Kimmel mocked the simplicity of the application, observing it is "harder to start a Wordle account." He said that Trump "thinks citizenship is something you can sell, like a timeshare."

"Indeed, the top people are the rich people," Kimmel quipped. "It's what Jesus always said! Read it in the Bible. He says it's simpler for a camel to go through the eye of a needle if you pay the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers covering Affordability Concerns

Meanwhile, Seth Meyers turned to Trump's declining approval ratings amid financial anxiety. "People gave Donald Trump a another term because they were angry about the economy," he explained.

Recently, in a attempt to discuss cost of living, Trump held a briefing in front of a display of grocery items, and behaved oddly to boxes of cereal.

"What a nice job, I think I'm going to take a few of them back to my place and have a lot of fun," Trump said. "Like the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a long time."

"Trump is so incredibly weird," Meyers said. "Like, you're going to take them home to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What are you gonna do with those Cheerios?"

Meyers wrapped up by criticizing right-leaning news arguments of Trump's economic record. "Perhaps rather than voicing concerns, you should give him a sparkling trophy similar to what FIFA did," he laughed.